I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Damn victory sex feels great
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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