I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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