Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
