My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dignity is for republicans.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
