Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
