i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
