who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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