you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
