My friends, they love my intelligence
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
