Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
