Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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