My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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