I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
