omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
