I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
