I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
