ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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