he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
