you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
