I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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