Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
