I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
