I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
