Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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