Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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