This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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