How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
