He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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