Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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