tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
