Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
