Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
