I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize