we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
