I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
