I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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