well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
