Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
