I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sext me about skeletons
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
