His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
