I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Randomize
