K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
