Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
