Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
