I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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