My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
