you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
