it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
