i think my tv is drunk
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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