I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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