I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
