You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
