i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
