she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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