and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
