I wish i was in the wii world.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Congratulations! We have a period
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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