I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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