I hate all girls vehemently.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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