I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
