I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Holy sore nipples Batman
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
