seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
