We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
