Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
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So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
ok first of all what the fuck
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