You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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