STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
