I wish life had little blips of pornography
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
