if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
