Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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