you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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