dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
