its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
