last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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