so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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