I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
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It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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