I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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