im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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