My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
