everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Still dying that you shit outside
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
