I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
