People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
