Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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